I see myself in the light



What a contrast from yesterday.

The sunshine sparkling on the wet leaves pulls me out and I happily stride off round the lanes to see what’s new in the hedgerows. It’s warm and soon it becomes apparent that I am wearing too many layers.




I like taking my regular route to watch the seasons transform the land. As the leaves start to turn into a blaze of colour I begin to reflect on the changes in my inner landscape. This year I notice that the memories are still alive like the sparkling red berries but the grief has finally let go and laid to rest like the falling leaves, replaced by a sweet poignancy that the beauty ignites in my heart.




Autumn is a good time to grieve (if there ever is a good time). The land cradled me like a silent, wise grandmother showing me how life and death are one infinite circle feeding each other like the leaves composting at the base of the trees. I swear the autumn of 2007 was the most beautiful on record. It was for me, broken wide open, raw and sensitive to my core to the agony of my loss and the exquisite beauty of the life he was missing.




Autumn wakes me up to beauty.

The sunshine after the storm illuminates my soul as I turn the corner and see myself in the light.





  • Kati

    Reply Reply November 19, 2014

    Kamini, what lovely pictures! You have caught the autumn in its most beautiful manifestation :). And yes, a time for saying goodbye, of letting go, of grief this really is. I cannot take your hand from this far away. But believe it offered to you for this lovely post.

  • Sue Ann Gleason

    Reply Reply November 23, 2014

    I love your photographs, Kamini, and the reflections both literal (that tree, oh that tree!) and metaphorical. For me, grief has never been a linear path. It shows up when I least expect it and sometimes it tricks me and dissipates instantly on the occasions that I expect it will surely take me under. I love how you describe the “silent, wise grandmother showing you how life and death are one infinite circle.” I often call on the energy of my ancestors to guide me when life feels heavy, particularly my grandmother. Holding you tenderly here.

  • Kāmini

    Reply Reply November 23, 2014

    Ah thank you Sue Ann. Yes it can hit me at other times too, just like you describe, and less so these days. Since it happened in autumn, the season is particularly awash with poignancy for me and a marker of passing time.

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